I Am In Serious Trouble
By my third month into chemotherapy, I was in grave trouble. I had started chemo the middle of June, and it was now September. I had not been able to eat from the beginning, and what little I tried to eat, I ended up throwing up. My weight had steadily declined. When I started chemo, I weighed 243 lbs. I was somewhat overweight, and looking back, it was probably a good thing I was. By September, I had lost over 60 lbs!!! I had just finished a round of really rough chemo, and as each day went by, I was getting sicker instead of better. On September 3rd, I felt sooooo bad and sooooo sick that I could not even hardly get out of bed. I was extremely weak, extremely tired, and my white blood cell count had plummeted after chemo. I really had no idea how bad it really was. During this whole ordeal, I had discovered that SOMETIMES a shower would help just a tiny bit. A nice long, hot shower with the water running over me from head to toe would sometimes give me just a tiny boost. I do not know why, but it seemed to work, so I would continuously do it even though I was extremely weak. My husband would always help me into the shower and check on me every few minutes as long as I was in there.
On this particular day, I literally crawled into the shower. We had put a stool in the shower so I could sit because I was too weak to stand. I sat on the stool and turned on the water. I really tried to feel better, but it just was not working. So I decided I would fill the tub and just lay in the hot water and see if that helped. I really did not even have the energy to sit on the stool. So I sat the stool outside of the shower, and proceeded to fill the bathtub. I literally laid down in the bathtub with the water up to my ears. I contemplated sliding under the water and putting an end to this whole mess. I was sooooo tired and soooo sick of being sick. But……I could not do it. I love my husband, my son, my nieces and great nieces with all of my heart. And I knew if I did that it would devastate all of them. They all depended on me, and even though I had not been much help to any of them those last three months, the reason I had decided to fight to begin with was because of all of them. At this juncture, I could not disappoint all of them, even though my own suffering was almost beyond tolerable.
The Culprit
We rent a house and it has a whirlpool bathtub. I do not know when the last time the jets were cleaned. We had never used the bathtub as we always used the shower in the bathtub. That particular day I was not thinking clearly. Little did I know that when I filled up the bathtub above the jets, all of the germs and bacteria that had been lurching in the jets for God knows how long, had contaminated my bath. I stayed in the bath for about 30 minutes before I called my husband to help me out. He dried me off and promptly helped me back to bed. I was thinking I was going to get better, just because I had taken a bath. However, that was not the case. I had a terrible night. I could not sleep, I was so weak that when I tried to get up to go to the bathroom, I collapsed. I just crawled back into bed and cried most of the night. I could tell things were quickly going south. By early the next morning, I was cramping severely, shaking all over, experiencing severe hot and cold flashes, and vomiting even though I had not eaten anything. My husband, Jeff, called Urgent Care and they said to bring me in immediately. I managed to crawl out of bed, put on my robe, and crawl down the stairs with his assistance. Luckily for us, Urgent Care is just around the corner from our house. We drove straight there, and the nurses were waiting for me with a wheelchair. By this time, the cramping was so bad that I was completely doubled over and crying almost hysterically.
I was rushed into a room and the doctor arrived within minutes. They started evaluating me immediately, and decided I needed a shot to stop the cramping. They also gave me a shot for the nausea I was experiencing, None of the 6 different medicines I had at home for nausea had been able to even slow it down. By this time, I was severely dry heaving and so sick I honestly did not care whether I lived or died. I think I even asked the doctor to just shoot me! I did get some raised eyebrows on that one! After almost 2 hours, my body seemed to be calming down. The nausea had lifted, the shakes were minimal, the hot and cold flashes were tolerable, and the ultra severe cramping had eased also to a tolerable level. My doctor decided that a disaster had been averted, and sent me home. Honestly, I also thought we had solved my problems and things would get better.
Back To The Hospital
WRONG AGAIN!! I managed to muddle through the rest of that day, and most of the next. Unfortunately, by 3P.M. on September 5th, I was back to where I had been when I went to Urgent Care on September 3rd. Actually, I was getting even worse. I had developed a crushing headache, and when the hot flashes would hit, I would almost pass out from overheating. Jeff called Urgent Care, and they told him to take me straight to the emergency room at the hospital. Now we had a decision to make, or should I say, he had a decision to make. I was in no shape to make any decision. We live about 5 minutes from the Watsonville Community Hospital and 30+ minutes away from Dominican Hospital in Santa Cruz. This hospital is just across the street from my oncologist and cancer infusion clinic. We probably should have driven to Santa Cruz, but Jeff was not sure I would make it. He decided to take me to the nearest hospital.
Once again, I was rushed into the hospital and placed in a room. The doctors worked on me for almost 7 hours, and had finally gotten my symptoms under control again. I had stopped vomiting and again, felt a little better. Around 11P.M. the doctor walked in and said he felt comfortable releasing me and sending me home. Just as I raised up to get off the table, I started severely vomiting again and it went all over the floor. The doctor said, ” I cannot send you home after all. I am going to have you admitted to the hospital until we can figure out what is causing all of these symptoms.” I was immediately put on a gurney and taken upstairs to the hospital. I was headed back down the rabbit hole, and it was going to get a lot worse before it got better!
